Say “No” and Reap the Benefits

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If you follow sites like Medium, Substack, it probably means you’re trying to be better and looking for answers and inspiration.

If you’re looking to be better, you’re probably going to take on new challenges and live outside of your comfort zone. Nothing is too hard and everything is a worthwhile challenge!

What’s not to like?

Combine that amazing attitude to life with the fact that many of us, probably you, are people pleasers. We like to help and be useful. We’re competent at what we do and we have a mindset that knows there’s a solution to every problem.

So when we are asked to help or we see a problem, we are keen to jump in.

🥊 And that’s when the fight started! 🥊

The internal fight of being overwhelmed, possibly under appreciated and perhaps (maybe?) a little stressed that some of your own work is not to the quality you’d like it to be.

Sound familiar?

When we hit this stage we look for ways to claw back some sanity. One of those ways is to start saying “no” to random requests. Another way is to question whether something being delegated to you is, in fact, your responsibility at all?

Here’s our challenge. (we like challenges, remember?) We are going to say “no!”

Say No — Level 1 — Explain why

Level 1 is the apprenticeship of saying no. It’s where we learn the craft of saying no. It’s where we need to say no and offer an explanation. Because we want to please people, we need them to like us after we have declined their request. So we offer a long explanation that will appease their displeasure. But if it helps you say no and hold that line, great. Be ready with your response.

Say No — Level 2 — Offer Options

Level 2 is less explanation and more offering options to the requestor. Options include referring the request to someone more appropriate, deferring to a later time, maybe even asking if it is really necessary. This third option is quite reasonable as many requests can simply be laziness on the part of the requestor.

Say No — Level 3 — Thanks but …

Level 3 is ninja level. They just don’t see it coming. You are not rude or unprofessional. You simply and politely say, “Thank you, but no, I am unable to do that.” That’s it. That’ll stop people in their tracks.

No explanation, no apology.

The Benefits of Saying No

The benefits are obvious.

  • The quality of your work increases because you have more time to dedicate to your work.
  • You become more valuable to the team as they will stop dropping minutiae on you. They know you value your time and they will begin to value it as well.
  • Your confidence will grow as you see the quality of work increase, the greater bond between you and your colleagues, friends and relationships. (Yes, this is a side benefit).
  • A shadow benefit will be those who often ask for help will realise they need to improve their skills and the whole group/team will benefit.

What or Who Decides When to Say No?

How do you know when to say no? You don’t want to be known as someone who never helps. And this isn’t an either/or scenario.

First things first:

  1. You! You need to be okay. You need to look after yourself to prevent stress and overwhelm. It is you who decides when to say no.
  2. Workload. What level of work do you need to get through in order to deliver the quality you want to be known for.
  3. Priorities. What are you biggest priotrities and when do they need to be done? If there is a deadline and a request might interfere with that deadline, it’s a no.

In the end, if you cannot say no your stress levels will go up and the overwhelm will creep in. People will genuinley feel for you but at that point they cannot help. Only you can help you.

Yes, they might alleviate your workload for a time, but is that what you really want? As a highly competent, high achiever, both you and I know that isn’t what you want!

Start Today!

I am! I’ve just had three days off work and coming back to a crap ton of catch up work. I also have meetings and expectations.

I’ll be time blocking my day and getting “my head down and bum up” into the work. I’ll be saying “No” today.

So might you!

OK, there is a caveat!

Your boss can overrule you. They are in charge and can request you do things you’d rather not. You can still politely push back. But if they insist, best go with the flow.

But, as you have pushed back, you may find they look for someone else in future. Few people enjoy conflict, including your boss!

Have a perfect day!

The ONLY Way to Really Grow

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I’ve played golf since I was nine years old. I was pretty good, playing in the State Championships at 16. But my chipping was atrocious. My short game was my achilles heel. I could out drive most people off the tee but around the green, a catastrophe. I decided to get a lesson.

The coach asked me, “What have you tried so far?”

“I’ve watched a lot of videos, read a few books…”

He looked at me flatly and said, “There comes a time, son, when you actually have to hit the ball!”

So what do you need to do to get you to the point where you starting “hitting the ball?”

What is stopping you?

What is the next step you know you need to take to start, or continue, your journey?

There is some suffering we need to experience! And learning a new skill can require a lot of suffering. Even my golf coach told me my next few attempts at chipping may not be all that great!

Let’s take my touch typing ordeal!

I wrote about it here, espousing how this was the time. This time it would work. I still can’t touch type. 😞 Don’t judge me. We all have our own “touch typing” stories.

So what went wrong?

It’s simple! I didn’t do the work! I didn’t practice. I didn’t suffer the pain of learning. Learning to touch type is too slow. Anyway, I have a workaroudn … which is type as fast as. i can and then corect all the moistakes.

Let’s try that again: I have a workaround, which is type as fast as I can, then correct all the mistakes.

Yes, it’s twice the work but it’s less frustrating than t y p i n g r e a l l y s l ow l y … until it is more frustrating from all the mistakes I make.

How painful does your current reality need to be in order for you to take the steps to change?

Do the Work, Start Now, Enjoy the Suffering

The only way to grow … is to do!

Do the work, plan the practice, feel the suffering of not being quite there … and persevere.

Then, all of a sudden, you will find (I will find) you can “touch type”, or write every day, or ride a motorbike or what ever it is you are passionate about accomplishing.

What do you need to do today that will get you where you want to be tomorrow?

What “suffering” are you prepared to endure in order to accomplish something worthwhile?

Is the goal more important? Or are you too comfortable where you are?

Just STOP!

Stop watching YouTube videos on how to make YouTube videos and startmaking YouTube videos.

Stop reading books on how to take notes and start taking notes.

Stop reading about how to write, write!

Stop watching videos on how to coach someone, start coaching someone!

Yes, you’ll suffer some pain, indignity and possibly some embarrassment … but you will LEARN & GROW!

I Got Rejected

And I’m okay with that

I submitted my first piece to a publication on Medium. Here’s what happened.

I’ve only published 41 articles so I wasn’t sure if it was the right time, or if it was good enough. It wasn’t my highest rating article. It was about an experience that has been pivotal in my career in leadership and management. I thought it was worth a read. You can find it here. (Not a promotion of the article, just makes sense to refer to it for context.)

As a friend of mine told me years ago:

If you never go, you’ll never know!

They Looked! 😲

… off it went. Into the ether. I wondered if my baby would be taken good care of and others would goo and gah over it like I hoped they would.

Well … no!

“We took a look and unfortunately it’s not a good fit…”

I submitted the piece last week and then, a couple of days later, the reply popped into my inbox.

It’s not nice being rejected. You put yourself out there, hoping for some recognition. I thought it would be helpful to the right audience. You keep hitting refresh on your email and there is no instant reply.

How dare they! Don’t they know who I am? 😉

I was a bit flat at first. It would have been nice to get something like, “Hey, we liked it. Here are some suggestions. Please resubmit.”

But not to be.

But I am now genuinely happy about it. Not the rejection, per se, but that fact that I submitted something.

I’ve started!

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” — Lao Tzu

I re-read the piece and I now know the topic, quality and style is not for that publication. Not yet, anyway. That is good to know.

Where to from here …

Firstly, I (you) learn by doing!

Here are five things I’m working on each time I submit a piece, either to a publication, or simply here on Medium.

  1. Feel it — It isn’t pleasant but if I don’t feel something, was it even of value to me?
  2. Get feedback — I engaged a friend who looks at my writing and critiques it. We catch up for coffee tomorrow … 😬
  3. Then, write more — get back on the horse, bike, whatever, go again. Write something.
  4. Submit more — write and submit, taking note of any feedback from others. Most people want us to succeed.
  5. Enjoy the process — follow the three Rs: Research, (w)Rite, Relax — yep, totally made that up!

Thank you for reading! 😊

My purpose in writing on BillJamesWallace.com

  1. Personal Development — writing helps me articulate my own thinking. I find trying to create an “argument” for a perspective on paper, quite revealing and at times challenging and I can be more critical of my own thoughts. I frequently find myself thinking: “Why DO I think this?”
  2. Developing Others — to help people make better choices by helping them think critically and realise their potential. We are often blinded by beliefs and thinking given to us by others.

If this was helpful, or other articles have been, consider dropping a coin (USD1.00) by going here. It all adds up and you are making a worthwhile contribution to my coffee addiction! 😉

Everyday Carry – The Bellroy Sling 7 litre

I’m relatively easily pleased. A lot of reviews do a great job of highlighting the pros and cons of products and services. I can get all excited about something, then see a review that highlights a downside I go “back to the drawing board”.

I also like nice things, aka, expensive. So when I spend my money I don’t want to have buyer’s remorse based on the quality or functions of the item. I tend to overthink purchases so much that recently, while doing my usual OCD research into new earphones, my wife got sick of it and just purchased me the AirPods Pro 2. And, lo and behold, they have been fine and I immediately stopped looking at alternatives. Who knew? 🤷‍♂️

I also have items that, once bought, I pay them no more attention other than using them. This means they are functional, meet my expectations and do the job I purchased the item to do.

So, I can be easily pleased and the Bellroy Sling fits that description. It does its job, no more, no less. It has immediately become part of my day both work-wise and, most likely leisure-wise.

So, for others who may be “easily pleased” and don’t need all the technical stuff and just want the question, “Yes, but does it bloody work?” this is for you!

The Bellroy Sling

I purchased the 7 litre sling for AUD149. It’s well made and the zips are great to use with a very solid and comforting mechanism, meaning they don’t feel cheap or about to break. They may “free up” over time with more use but I like them the way they are.

Inside

The sling has two compartments with some pockets with each. Both compartments are quite large and I can fit a surprising amount in, should I need/want to.

One compartment has a zipped pocket with a softer inner lining that holds my glasses. The way I wear the sling, with the leather Bellroy logo facing out, the glasses are closest to my body which adds further protection from being bumped into or hitting something inadvertently. This compartment also has a key chain to hold your keys. The length is short and some have commented it is too short. I don’t find that, I just need access to the keys, which this provides. 

See? Easily pleased.

The other, outer compartment, has two “pouches” rather than zipped pockets to hold smaller items. Super handy. I’ll talk about what I carry shortly.

The Strap

This is one area I was concerned about, as the strap has a magnetic connection. All the reviews I saw said the magnet was strong but I was doubtful. I shouldn’t have been. It takes a bit of force to separate the magnets so I’m very happy with the mechanism. In every day life, if the magnets separated, it would have to get jagged on something pretty hard, and that obviously, lets me know it’s happened and I can take care of it. No issue, don’t even think about it.

The strap can also be lengthened and shortened to your hearts desire. I’m 5’10” or 178cm and I have room to spare to lengthen it further and also shorten it if I want to. 

What Going On Inside?

One thing I need to mention is that I got this to replace my backpacks. I rarely carry my laptop anymore and if I need to I will still use them. But my work set up is pretty flexible so I’m rarely lugging it around.

In the outer compartment I carry odds and ends:

  • my work pass
  • a tab of paracetamol (just in case)
  • iPhone cable
  • Ruler (I like to be neat but I’m using physical notebooks less and less)
  • Pens (Uni-Ball Jetstream 250 Rollerball Pen 0.7mm – Black)
  • Airpods Pro case

The inner compartment (closest to me)

  • Sunglasses
  • Notebook (Leuchtturm1917) or
  • Ipad mini 6
  • 500ml water bottle
  • House/work keys on keychain

I don’t jam it full of stuff as that would defeat the purpsoe of a minimalist carry (for me, you do you!).

A note on protection for the iPad mini. I often forget the iPad is in there and just sling the bag down. It’s not onto anything too hard and it’s not a whack on the floorboards we have but just so you know, the mini is fine and the sling does provide a level of protection, not the level of a padded laptop bag though. 👍

In Summary

As I said above, this does the job in such a way that I don’t “notice” it. Which is exactly what I am after.

There are smaller and larger slings, based on your preference. 

I may be easily pleased but I need tools that get the job done without too much fussing and fighting. This does that for me. Couldn’t be happier.

Go here to check them out. No affiliation. Bellroy don’t know about this article and have no idea who I am.

Thank you for reading! 😊

My purpose in writing on BillJamesWallace.com

  1. Personal Development — writing helps me articulate my own thinking. I find trying to create an “argument” for a perspective on paper, quite revealing and at times challenging and I can be more critical of my own thoughts. I frequently find myself thinking: “Why DO I think this?”
  2. Developing Others — to help people make better choices by helping them think critically and realise their potential. We are often blinded by beliefs and thinking given to us by others.

If this was helpful, or other articles have been, consider dropping a coin (USD1.00) by going here. It all adds up and you are making a worthwhile contribution to my coffee addiction! 😉

Why I’m NOT Reading 52 Books this Year!

Or 100 for that matter!

I have no issue with people reading eleventy hundred books in a year. I’ve tried that in the past (and failed if you need to know). I think anyone who takes up the reading habit is on to something.

I remember when my kids were young, if they did one thing in life, they would be readers and learners. They both are. Job done! 

This year I’m reading  … just seven books … over and over!

I’ve read so many books in the past and have learned a lot from most of them. I know the learnings are there, in my mind … somewhere … but they are not benefiting me.

In life, we don’t forget anything, we simply fail to remember.

– Me!

This year I’m going to slow down a bit, reflect, take notes and learn to my benefit. I want the information from these books to be ingrained. (Links below are affiliate links but if you are keen to read them I don’t care how you access them.)

Atomic Habits (James Clear) – I’ve read this book a couple of times and the process is worth keeping top of mind. I want to quickly flick into good habits when things get out of sorts, as they inevitably will in life. We have one life, building constructive habits is essential.

Smart Talk (Lou Tice) – before neuroscience became popular, there was Lou and The Pacific Institute (there were others, of course). Lou talks through how our self talk can improve with timeless truths and tactics. We are so ingrained with the thoughts and beliefs of others we took on as we grew up that do not serve our well. There are ways to take control and enjoy time in our minds. Lou gives us step by step guidance.

The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) – took me years to buy this after knowing about it. I had no idea what it was really. Finally bit the bullet and got it after a manager recommended it to me. Read it once, then again and then again. Took notes, looking forward to a couple more reads this year.

The Art of Possibility (Rosamund and Ben Zander) – the best personal development book I have ever read (and I have read many). This was my give away book a few years ago. Bought ten copies, gave them away to friends and colleagues. Unfortunately, I lent my original copy full of personal notes and ideas to someone who then lost it.

Guide to the Good Life (William B Irvine) – As this was first published in 2009, it was the OG Stoic book to Ryan Holiday’s series. Have read it once and taken notes and highlights. Will read again and do the same. One thing I noticed in the first read was that even though we choose whatever lifestyle we want, others won’t comply and we need to work through that.

The Coaching Habit (Michael Bungay Stanier) – I think it was Seth Giodin who called this the best coaching book ever written. Whoever it was, it was high praise. Eminently practical where coaching or influencing others at work and in relationship (helpfully, not manipulatively) this will be a great “workbook” for me this year.

On the Shortness of Life (Seneca) – this is my “bathroom book”. Shorts reads on a daily basis but there is a passage starting on page 74 that had quite the impact. Will take it out of the bathroom this year and make it a deeper study.

Let me know what books you are reading this year … and for what purpose if you like.

I’d be keen to know!

Leadership: Selfish vs Self-ish

Angry woman png sticker cartoon

A good friend of mine left work this week and it is going to be difficult to replace her.

She was a great mentor and leader. She displayed behaviours about what a great leader can be. The whole team looked to her as a leader, a friend and someone they could rely on for her technical expertise.

She didn’t see herself this way but…

… it is the team who defines who and what a great leader is, not the leader!

Me!

This made me start thinking about leaders and leadership, as I often do, and comparing a good leader with a lesser leader. And whilst there are many variations of leadership within the business world, and within the world in general, I’ve come down to two distinctions between leaders and their effectiveness within the context of the teams they work with:

Selfish Leaders versus Self-ish Leaders

A selfish leader is leading purely for themselves, for their own growth, development, recognition, and ego.

The self-ish leader also wants to succeed, very much so, but works with and through the team and relationships rather than just being “the Boss!”

The Self-ish Leader

A Self-ish Leader achieves their goals through the results of their team.

They will work on their team’s skills, knowledge and attitudes to help their people achieve their goals, seemingly at the cost of working on themselves and affecting their personal results.

However, this is not completely true. It isn’t all about the team. The leader needs to develop their communication, coaching and difficult conversation skills as well as an ongoing list of other skills in order to develop their team. This may be letting people go, ongoing performance management and engaging with difficult team members and difficult customers.

The leader is constantly developing.

Simply by helping their team succeed, they will be developing themselves as a leader and achieving the results required.

In addition, by developing their team, they will, on average, have a better retention rate. A better retention rate means less recruitment, greater productivity and better morale as the team gets to know and learn from each other. Upwards and onwards…

Signs of Self-ish Leaders. Team members will:

  • Willingly follow their Self-ish Leaders, not just because they are the Boss
  • Provide greater discretionary effort — their efforts are appreciated and acknoweldged, performance gaps are coached
  • Have a bias towards action – they want to succeed and have an innate sense of not wanting to let the team, or the Leader, down.

The Selfish Leader

A selfish leader, focusing on themselves, approaches things differently. It’s about how good they can look. The team’s results are a reflection on them personally (this is true) but they take it personally. People aren’t “pulling their weight”, people need to be brought into line, and, “If only they did as I told them.”

Lack of results means people are lazy or, as one leader I have worked with put it, “taking the piss”.

In the Selfish Leader world, the leader and the team are “enemies”. Leaders in this realm are there to invoke their version of “world domination”. I heard one newly promoted Team Leader state, “Great, now I can tell people what to do.” There is a semblance of seeing people as colleagues and valuing them but, as time goes on, it becomes “do it my way leadership”.

As this happens, people close up, offer less suggestions and ideas for improvement because the leader “will do it their way anyway.” The irony being, as people shut down, the leader has to do it all themself because no-one is offering better or at the least, other suggestions. All the while the self absorbed, Selfish Leader is oblivious to what is happening.

Signs of Selfish Leaders :

  • Lower productivity: staff will be second guessing themselves as to what the leader wants. Because the leader is insecure about their success or progress, what they want might change regularly.
  • Lessening results: results will fluctuate. There will be good days, weeks and months. But as per the next point, they won’t reach their potential because the rules are always changing, with turnover, team members will be changing, affecting long term results.
  • Higher than industry average turnover: People will put up with a lot but only to a point. Some will stick it out for various reasons (see below), others will make a quick exit while others will wait around and potentially become poorer performers until something comes along, or they hope the situation will improve.

With regards to turnover I was interviewing a Leader about this recently and they smiled and said it was “good turnover’, meaning bad apples were leaving. A couple of points he was oblivious to were:

  1. He hired these people — so maybe the hiring process (and he) needs a review
  2. Regardless of good v bad apples, 50% turnover over an extended period of time (2+ years) is not good for any organization, either from a cost, production perspective but even worse from a customer perspective. A 50% turn over means that, on average, customers are dealing with representatives who know little to nothing about the product they are discussing. This becomes worse when the product is complex. (think insurance, lending, leasing etc).

Another example of a Selfish Leader versus a Self-ish Leader is in daily interactions. I know a few leaders who, as soon as they get into the office, go for a walk to say hello to those who are already there. One leader has people hiding from them, telling others “she is on her way, look busy”. While the other leader has staff wanting to stop and have a pleasant chat.

Signs of a Selfish Leader:

  • People who follow Selfish Leaders do so because they are “the Boss”, they have power over them simply due to their role, not their relationship.
  • There is less discretionary effort — if effort is not genuinely appreciated (staff can tell) the discretionary effort drops off.
  • A bias towards inaction. Selfish Leader will need to come up with “motivators” for staff to take on extra tasks. This is both challenging and energy sapping. Many mature staff members see this is being treated like children.

One last thing

With all the above being from my observations and worth reflecting on, there is one element that is frequently overlooked: the Leader’s Leader.

While we can and should look at Selfish Leaders versus Self-ish Leaders, a lot of it will depend on that Leader’s leader.

If a selfish leader is allowed to continue in their role, their leader is asleep at the wheel. They are not paying attention to the underlying issues of ongoing problems like turnover, constant requests for more staff to deal with customer service issues and suffering metrics.

And that could be because the Leader’s leader is also a selfish leader and not a self-ish leader.

What do you think?

  • Have you worked for a selfish leader?
  • What strategies have you used to manage these environments?
  • What are the benefits of working for a selfish leader?

I’d be keen to hear your thoughts.

Thank you for reading.

Just Use This App!

Time Saving! Game Changing!
closeup photo of blue pen tinted spiral notepad placed beside pen die cast car and coffee cup
Photo by David Bares on Pexels.com

I’ve had this app on my phone forever. It has got progressively better with each iteration so that now, it can pretty much replace my typing.

I’ve never used it in this way before, but it just dawned on me that it was possible and it relieves so much resistance to sitting down and typing!

When the need arises, the tool appears*.

I’ve recently started a YouTube channel and I need to write scripts and ideas for the channel. Not being much of a touch typist, this was a real barrier. So much so, that I am learning to touch type, and will continue to learn, even with this app.

I was going to type this article about a tool that saves you from typing. 🙄

The app is Apple Notes! Its dictation skills have improved out of sight that it can now record me for as long as I am talking, which for me, is a lot!

The Blank Page

When I stare at a blank page, I can get myself to just start typing but it is often a bunch of words that can’t seem to get coherently from my mind to the page. So it starts as a draft and ends as a (very short) draft.

So many drafts! 😞

This then, is the game changer for me. I can see my words on the page, and I can talk for as long as I like. I can go off on tangents as ideas hit me from all sides. I can explore analogies and arguments that I find worth considering. It can all come pouring out and I find I self-edit far less, if at all.

The blank page dilamma becomes a thing of the past.

That doesn’t mean everything I transcribe is worth publishing. But keeping the information and occasionally going back to review my ramblings can trigger an idea worth pursuing.

Happy(ier) Days

As my wife came home last night, I was finishing off some dictation. She asked me, “Who was that?”, thinking I was on a call. I find that as I dictate, I relax and it becomes conversational. I can let the thoughts roam free. Again, little to no self-editing. I capture everything and can then edit from a vast resource later.

The other benefit, especially for me, is that dictating assumes elocution. The text on the page/app clearly shows how well I am pronouncing my words lets me know if my elocution is poor. It helps me think more about the words and how to enunciate them which will help, I hope, in my presentations on YouTube.

Starting from Square Two

This lowers my barrier to entry. It gives me a head start.

Where typing was the barrier as I know I would have to type and correct, type and correct, this makes the process quicker, allowing me to be more creative and expansive in my thoughts.

If typing is your kryptonite and you haven’t tried dictation, I’d seriously consider giving it a go. Apple Notes has come along in leaps and bounds and comes with every iPhone (who knew? 🤷‍♂️). 😂

If you are after something different, there is also Just Press Record. I have this as well but with the new Apple Notes functions, I’m not sure I will use it as much. I’ll have to run a comparison.

What about you?

Do you use Apple Notes or Just Press Record to dictate your articles?

  • What problems does it solve for you?
  • Is there another, better app, I need to know about?

Let me know!

Thank you for reading!

*A poor effort at adapting the better saying:

When the student is ready, the master appears!

Give Yourself an ‘A’

How to get the thing you want!

close up of human hand
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This is a real rule breaker for some. You can’t just give yourself an A. You have earn your ‘A’. But bear with me as I walk you through quite a powerful formula for achieving a goal or a series of achievements.

How Does This Work?

We’ve all heard of goal setting. This is goal setting in reverse.

‘Giving an A’ is projecting into the future about a significant goal or achievement that is important to you as though you have already achieved it.

It could be any number of things. You then work backwards to determine all the things you ‘did’ to ensure you achieved the goal.

Once you’ve done that, take one step at a time, on those things that you expect to help you achieve your goal.

As you progress, things may change but if the goal is significant enough, you’ll take the time to adjust your direction, activities and attitudes to keep you heading towards your goal.

Here’s the kicker: The time frame you have set for achieving your goal will pass. The date will arrive. Nothing surer! Will you be tracking along with that timeline?

What’s your goal?

Let’s assume it is six months in the future and you have, indeed, received your “A”.

Imagine for a moment how that feels.

  • You’ve got your driver’s licence for the first time
  • You’ve lost that nagging couple of kilos
  • You’ve presented the pitch and won

Don’t skip this part. Imagine, in the future, receiving your reward: physical, mental and/or emotional.

(By the way, it’s good to define the reward too. It may be the thing itself (losing weight, getting the license) or it may be something you reward yourself with for achieving the goal (a holiday, a new thing you’ve always wanted).

Now start writing down all the things you ‘did’ to increase the chances of the ‘A’ being achieved. This can range from simple tasks (losing weight = walk/run 4km per day for 30 days (my current goal)) to taking a course and applying the key methods learnt in the course and getting feedback from a respected peer, manager, significant other.

You can do this in one of two way (maybe there’s more, let me know in the comments). You start at the end, just before the goal is achieved and work backwards.

Or, you can work forwards, taking small steps at the start to help build momentum. As James Clear said in his post today, “plan what you can do on your worst day, make it that simple!”

Take the time to plan it out. It doesn’t have to be hundreds of steps.

Another goal of mine is to learn to touch type. My goal each day is to type for “15+1”. That is, on day one I touch typed for 15 minutes. On day two it was 16 minutes (15+1) and so on. By the time 30 days is up, I am typing 45 mins per day which, I hope, will actually see me touch type more than “hunt and peck!” I am so looking forward to that level of productivity.

A note on planning: While above I have said to plan it out and I believe that is important, you may not know all the steps at first. That is okay. Lou Tice (and many others), founder of The Pacific Institute used a phrase: “Set the goal, invent the “how””. You may not know all the steps at the start. Start with a clear goal and figure to the “first of first” steps.

I work within a project framework at work and while we plan out the project step by step as much as we can, the number of changes made along the way are innumerable. No-one is upset by that, we all expect it to be the case.

If your goal is to begin a meditation practice, it might start with getting up at 5am every day (pick a time best for you) and meditate for one minute, then two, then three.

Think of your goal and work backwards, Remember you are going to be an ‘A’ student at the end of this.

The Added Benefit

The added benefit of working in this manner is we begin to act and think like ‘A’ students. Even if we have never been one.

It is quite amazing the things you will allow and not allow once you fix your mind on the goal.

I recently decided to not buy coffee at work. I was spending something like $200 per month on purchased coffees. Many for me, and many I bought for others, so may it was about $300 per month. Add that up and you’re looking around $4,000 per year on coffee!

So, in acting like an ‘A’ student in this area, I had to change my thoughts, language and behaviour. From being known at work as someone who will regularly buy coffee, I had to lower that profile. I also had to find ways of not buying the others were. I could head out with them for the social aspect but not buy a coffee and not allow them to buy me one either – as that set the expectation I would reciprocate. Which I would because it would be awkward not to.

The benefit isn’t in becoming a cheapskate who never buys coffee, it’s more than that. It’s learning how I want to behave, how I turn up at work and manage my relationships with great colleagues through a period of transition.

How do I feel each time I’m asked if I want a coffee? What will I say? Will I offend some? Do I just tell them straight out, “I’m not buying coffee for a month”?

What if I screw up?

Restart!

A goal isn’t lost completely based on a couple of backwards steps. In his book Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz said a habit begins to form around the 21 day mark. That is beginning to form as in, not set in stone. This takes time.
It’s like year 12 students being told their final exam is the most important thing they’ll do in their lives. (at least here in Australia)

And so…
Giving yourself an A is a liberating exercise. Because you get to choose what you want the A to be about. You have total control over that.

Set the goal and invent the “How”!

Write down the goal, read about it every day. I find when I do that it is easier to maintain the momentum towards the goal. When I don’t do that, I lose momentum and, if I miss long enough, I forget about the goal itself.

Here’s a tool I use when I interview candidates for a role (or am interviewed for a role):

STAR: Situation, Task, Actions, Result or, if you’re working backwards from the goal: RATS!

  • Situation – where you find yourself and not having the “Thing” – the goal.
  • Task – the overall activities you need to do to achieve the Thing!
  • Actions – mini tasks. What do you need to do to complete each Task, if there are multiple.
  • Result– the Goal or the Thing.

Lastly …
If I was figuring out the goal prior to starting the STAR approach, I’d describe the goal in as much detail as I could.

For example:
GOAL: I want to lose weight (actually x kg, be specific). I want to lose weight because … and away you go describing in as much detail for you how good this is going to be, why you want to do it and the benefits you’re going to enjoy.
And then…

  • Situation
  • Task
  • Actions
  • Result.

Not Happy!

I feel like you’re average mechanic!

old car parked near tree
Photo by Stephan Streuders on Pexels.com

You know the story about the mechanic, it can apply to gardeners as well.

Everyone else’s car (or garden) is immaculate while the mechanic’s car is a bit dodgy, and the gardener’s garden could do with some TLC.

That’s how I’m feeling at the moment. Not great!

I could go on a “poor, poor pitiful me” but who really cares? I mean that genuinely. We’re all going through something. I’m just publishing it.

There are two reasons I’m writing this:
  1. I’m learning to touch type and one of my goals is to practice for 15 minutes every day. And increase that by one minute every day for 30 days. Meaning by day 30, I will be touch typing for at least 45 mins every day. It may mean, by that time, I will be touch typing full time.
  2. The second reason is I want to write a post per day for the next 30 days as part of a plan to reignite some energy and momentum in my day. This will also help with the practice of touch typing.
The Next 30 Days

I’ve decided to add some other items to the list for the next 30 days. The category in brackets is the primary area I hope to benefit.

  • Drop 10kg – this is more an outcome of some other actions below (Health)
  • Touch typing as mentioned above (Productivity)
  • Consume no sugar and no grains (Health)
  • Run 4km per day – this may be a brisk walk as I acquired a couple of blisters yesterday when trying some new shoes (Health)
  • Blog post every day as mentioned above (Hobby)
  • Purchase no new things – there is one purchase I need to make, I’ll share what and why once it is complete (Finances)
  • Do not purchase shop coffee – this will be a significant challenge (Finances)
  • No alcohol – also a bit of a challenge as I so like a nice red (Health)
  • Finish reading a textbook – Transcend by Scott Barry Kaufman (Education)
  • Finish reading a novel – The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky (Recreation)
  • Journal every day – this post is a result of this morning’s journal (Health)
  • Practice Active Constructive Responding (Relationships)

This may seem like a lot to take on. Perhaps it is, but many of these things are common, every day things that simply need focus and attention.

I have typed this as best I can by touch typing so I can tick that off for today. And as this is a blog post, that has been accomplished as well.

Tomorrow will be an update on my progress, how I’m feeling and what changes I’m sensing.