Yes, be that guy! (or girl) in the sense of being the person you want to be.
I don’t mean in a new age, woo-woo manner (though there’s nothing wrong with that either!) What I mean is taking the time to define who and what you want to be in your best role or current role.
How do you see yourself at the moment?
A simple analogy: look in a mirror. Do you like what you see? This doesn’t mean you need to hate what you see or what you are. Just look and see what you’d like to change.
If you don’t think the shirt goes with the dress, change one of them. If you need a new hairstyle, go to a hairdresser.
Now work on the real you: do you get angry easily? How can you address that?
When you give presentations, are you cool and calm and enjoy the process or are you all nerves and flustered? How can you address that?
How do you talk to yourself? Are you encouraging yourself or berating yourself? How can you address that?
There is a saying to “find the job you love”. If you have done that, greatI If not, great: “love the job you find!”
More importantly, “love the ‘you’ you find!”
The ball is in your court.
And here’s a simple way to start moving further along the achievement line.
Grab a piece of paper.
Step One: List down up to 5 things you really want to address.
Step Two: Now pick one of those items you’d like to work on first (or select the one that will provide you the biggest improvement)
Step Three: Using the item you have selected list down up to 3-5 things about it that you do well, or want to do well. For example, if you selected “talk well to yourself”, what 5 things could you do (or are doing) that supports the notion of you being productive?
Step Four: Looking at those 5 items, select one that will give you the biggest bang for your buck.
Write that one down, or highlight it.
Here’s the fun part:
Step Five: Action: What will you do, each day, to develop that item?
List 5 things you want to improve on: presentation skills, meditation, pause before reacting, highlight strengths of others, reflect gratitude
List 3-5 things you do, or want to do, that will help you be more mindful: start mediating in the morning, read books on the benefits of mindfulness, write “be more mindful” in a conspicuous place, remove distractions (social media?)
Biggest bang: start meditating in the morning – will set me up for the day as well as reducing social media in the morning (double win!)
Action: segment my morning routine to allow 10 minutes for meditating, download an app, add to calendar.
While the process above may appear simple, the critical factor is moving towards being the person you want to be.
Following something relatively simple like this will help you see progress and, if you miss an opportunity, you will be able to quickly get back on track.
It all started before 2010. We bought our first PVR (Personal Video Recorder). It was a Topfield.
It also cost $892!
My wife was a little stunned, a little angry and wondered what on earth I had done. I had tried explain to her what a PVR was and the benefits of owning one would bring.
And so, we had our PVR …
Once we had it set up, my wife discovered the yellow button. On our remote control the yellow button was the 30-second skip ahead function. Guess how long most adverts are?
By recording a show on free-to-air TV we could skip through the ads! We used it so often that, literally, 12 months later, we’d accidentally watch an ad and say, “so that’s what that’s about!” It also rescued watching time considerably! Do you realise how many ads there are sometimes duding commercial television? We’d count them sometimes, nine was our record. Nine times 30 seconds (4.5 minutes), 3 or 4 times during a show!
The yellow button saved us time and some frustration.
Since then we’ve referred to anything we do that brings a benefit as our “yellow button”.
We can make our lives a little easier even though there might be an upfront cost – changing routines, eating differently, getting more exercise, meditating, reading positive books, getting off Facebook!
As you make one change, other changes can become easier, the cost to change reduces.
What has been your “yellow button”?
What change did you invest in that made a significant, positive impact?
We should be doing what we can to make our lives and those we work with easier or simpler to help them and us achieve our goals.
This starts at home and continues into the work itself.
At home it begins with things like ensuring we get the best possible sleep, eating heathy meals (which can vary between individuals), getting enough sunlight and exercise. Simple things in themselves but each can affect our happiness and performance, particularly when added together.
If we are not happy, our energy and focus suffers, which will in turn affect our work. And as we get to work, how do we structure our days so we can be the best we can be?
It can be having specific routines and clear expectations. This will allow you and your direct reports to know exactly what is required, when and how.
There is a peace of mind and clarity in knowing what to do and how to do it.
For example, every day, before I get to the office I have listed my 3 Most Important Things (MITs) . They are my focus for the day – outside of my routine tasks. My day will already be busy so by having these priorities I can say no to casual, generally less important requests and focus on daily responsibilities and my 3 MITs.
I think of it like this: at the end of each day I am going to mentally reflect on how I went, even just casually. Was it a good day or a bad day? And then, what caused it to be good or bad? What was in my control and what was not?
If I allow the tasks of the day to jumble up and cause chaos that is my responsibility alone. Yes, there will be days where the “proverbial really hits the fan” and I need to throw my plans out, but over 221* working days in a year, most of those days I will be in relative control.
I will be in control because I have plans, routines and execution strategies to help me focus and keep things simple. I don’t need any further friction.
I do these things to make my life easier. Work, sometimes, is not easy but I don’t have it make it harder than it needs to be either.
*221 working days is determined as follows (in Australia):
In a period of ambiguity, this quote seems more and more appropriate. People are trying to make sense of the COVID-19 world and models can help, even if they are wrong!
Models, in this context, are structures that help us make sense of situations. It can help us normalise things we may not be used to. People are generally comfortable with familiarity.
I come from a learning & development background and in that industry there are more “models” and frameworks than you can poke a stick at. Which isn’t surprising as the profession is duty bound to make sense out of many changing circumstances and people’s resistance to change. Many of these models are being challenged lately. Maybe they always have been and social media only amplifies the noise.
Myers-Briggs (MBTI), DiSC, HS LSI, learning styles. The list goes on.
I’m okay that they are wrong or misleading or unscientific. Because I don’t think any of the models are 100% true 100% of the time.
But they can be useful.
Just like story telling can be useful, or using analogies. The story, or analogy, is not the specific truth but is an attempt to make sense of a situation to aid the listener in understanding it from their perspective.
If a model is being presented as scientifically true when it isn’t, it needs to be called out. But I do see people completelydismissingany value that might be gained from such models. Which is just as simplistic. Is there no value in the model?
Recently, someone commented on an article they were enjoying until the writer used the term “learning styles”. They just stopped reading from that point! Is it possible to look past the phrase and continue to enjoy the point the article was trying to make?
I agree with Mr Box. All models are wrong. But we can learn from them, therefore they are, or can be, useful.
I was taught to take everything with a pinch of salt. Results of any assessment are a “guideline” rather than a rule.
As a bad example, when I was learning about MBTI (this link refers to criticisms of the model), one of my colleagues exclaimed to another “That’s a typical INTJ comment!” pigeon-holing the individual immediately! For me, that was the best learning in how not to apply a model! Maybe a better response might have been “that’s an interesting perspective, could you elaborate?”
Perhaps we could be a bit more curious about styles: learning, thinking, behavioural or otherwise. The INTJ is a label but it’s just that – a label. It’s not the whole story.
Let’s look at an analogy: “tags”.
One way to allocate information in a database like Evernote is to “tag” a document. A tag is a word or term that denotes a piece of information the document refers to.
For example, a tag of “rice” might be assigned to a cooking dish that requires rice or is heavily rice based. If you searched for the tag “rice” in Evernote a range of items where “rice” is significant will come up. It helps in searching for rice dishes rather than scrolling through every entry!
But the tag is not the dish.
The tag is an indicator and you want to know more, dig in, be curious about what context the tag makes.
Similarly, the label/tag “INTJ” is not the person. It may prove useful as a starting point which may also demand that you enquire, be curious and/or dig in to know more about the individual.
MBTI talks about preferences, not absolutes.
Learning stylestalks about Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic learning modes. But please don’t create a course or event solely based on one mode. (Note there is a degree of critique on Learning Styles but also note 58% agreed that students “learn better when they receive information in their preferred learning style .”) (*DTTBOWTB)
DiSC talks about behavioural styles. Dominant, iNfluence, Steadiness and Conscientiousness. These are aspects of observable behaviour. It can be useful. Imagine a “High I” talking incessantly over a customer they are trying to sell to. Not ideal. You can address that and see if it is a dominant behaviour.
This is not a treatise on the defence of models. Far from it. You will see there are many critiques. Some may argue that if we can’t rely on them then what value are they?
The value, as I see it, is a starting point for conversations, for considering how we move forward in relationships. Putting things within a loosely held construct. And a willingness to flex when necessary as well as develop a sound knowledge of those we interact with.
Not everyone will act according to their preferred style all the time.
Love your models, use them carefully but also be curious.
(DTTBOWTB: Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!)
Coaching has been around for years (centuries if you count apprenticeships and the like). However, the occupation of coaching is relatively new in the modern world and the scope of coaching is broadening.
As an example, Michael describes the role of coaches assisting students to develop strategies and behaviours to obtain entry into their preferred University (Yale, Harvard etc.). These coaches have knowledge, skills and insights the individual doesn’t realise exist – and this eliminates them from entry. While others, having this information, are basically coached into University. Here’s the thing, it’s not necessarily the best candidates who gain entry!
If you don’t know a tool, or asset, exists, you can’t take advantage of it. You cannot know what you don’t know.
A good coach gives an individual the advantage over those who don’t. They provide the specific input an individual needs to progress and feedback on their performance. A good coach has the ability to identify and communicate areas of strength to build on and areas to develop as well as areas not to focus on.
Does it Matter that Much?
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.” “I don’t much care where –”“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
If you have no goal, then, perhaps a coach is not necessary. If you have a goal but it is not compelling, then, again, a coach is probably not necessary. However, if you have a goal you must achieve (which is totally your decision), I would estimate having a coach is the best thing you can possibly do.
Of course, if you decide not to engage someone for feedback and encouragement, there are options. You can get tuition and guidance from reading books, watching videos, interacting with peers, in person and online. This input is highly valuable and allows you to discover new and varied ways of accomplishing a specific task or project.
But there is a caution which I gained from personal experience.
I played golf daily (literally) for many years. I “prided” myself on having never had a formal lesson. I read all the books and subscribed to golfing magazines, I watched videos, played alongside my peers and entered tournaments. And yet I also never rose to any great heights, achieving a best handicap of 12 when the average male handicap was 14 – right in the middle of the good old bell curve!
I decided to get lessons.
My coach clearly stated that, “You cannot get feedback from a magazine or a video and just because the ball went straight it doesn’t mean you can repeat that. You need qualified feedback.”
Watching, reading and discussing form, scores and style are good but at some stage, if you really want to improve, you need feedback on what you are doing. My short game improved considerably!
Do I Really Need a Coach?
No, no-one needs a coach in the sense of they have to have one. But what are you missing that a coach may identify? It may be a simple issue to address, it may be more complex. The real question is what is the upside of having a coach? What will you become as a result of having a positive, constructive voice in your corner?
I think everyone benefits from a coach, formal or informal. Just the conversation itself has the power to encourage, motivate and enthuse an individual to try something new or different. And that can be enough to gather some momentum and accelerate you towards your goals.
If you need further proof of the need for a coach consider people like Brad Pitt and Meryl Streep, Roger Federer, amateur and professional sporting teams and many executives all have some form of coach.
What is interesting is that those at the “top of their game” want to have a coach. They constantly want to get better. It’s not up for debate. So does this mean the gap between the top and middle gets wider? More than likely, yes.
Look at the common workplace these days. Many organisations are creating roles for coaches. Sometimes this part of a leadership role. Sometimes it’s an additional resource. That’s how important many believe having a coach to be.
Lastly, I would suggest we all have a coach of some sort if we count the ongoing conversations we have in our head. That coach, based on evidence, has a predisposition to be slightly negative in its views. Constantly telling us why we can’t do something or how our attempt was below par. Now, imagine if you had a physical coach like that, coaching from the sidelines as you attempted your best.
We’d fire them straight away.
Find someone who will encourage you, challenge you and help you keep going in the face of adversity to help you reach the goals theatre important to you.
My Marathon “Coach”
I ran a marathon in June 2017. It wasn’t my best marathon. I hadn’t trained well. Since the half way mark (21.1km) I had been walking and jogging alternately. I was gassed. My shoulder hurt (don’t ask me why, I was running on my feet!) You can see me slowing down in the graph below: slower pace, lower heart rate.
With 2km to go a runner passed me and stated: “Come on, no more walking.” I said I couldn’t. I was done. She tersely warned me: “No! You’re not! Let’s go!” I started to jog with her. I not only jogged the last 2km, my pace was back at a decent level. We jogged the last 2 km, picking up other “lost souls” along the way.
Last 2km showing an increase in pace. Last km (of 42) almost back to pace at the beginning! Thanks “coach!” 🙂