We all know of the ubiquitous “To Do” list. Most have heard of the “Not To Do” list. But how many of us have a “Do Not Care” (DNC) list?
A DNC list is a way to consciously decide the areas we consciously give energy to and areas we consciously don’t give a toss about!
Allow me to explain…
There are many thing vying for our attention and many of them are promoted to be important. But they’re not!
Scientists have measured the amount of data that enter the brain and found that an average person living today processes as much as 74 GB in information a day (that is as much as watching 16 movies), through TV, computers, cell phones, tablets, billboards, and many other gadgets. [Source]
That’s a lot to manage. 😳 Fortunately, a massive percentage of that goes straight to the subconscious. It bypasses our conscious mind, thank god! But we still feel overwhelmed.
Having a DNC list can save a lot of time and energy; energy we need to cope in the world we live in.
Here’s an example:
The wife and I were discussing Christmas planning. Where and when we had dinner, who was cooking what, who was bringing what and how it was all going to work out. She had her view, I had mine. But the conversation took longer than it needed to! It all ended happily, and we are looking forward to the day with the kids. (I’m sure we are the only people on the planet who get into these types of discussions! 😉)
As I reflected on the conversation, I realised the points I had been making were unimportant. I didn’t really care how Christmas was planned. All I cared about what who was there. I was just trying to be helpful by limiting and unnecessary effort in what is already a busy time of year. But I really didn’t care. I realised I didn’t even value my own opinion. As long as the family is happy and it all makes sense, sure! At the time, I felt I had to have an opinion, and, once given, that had to be given consideration. But, I didn’t really care how Christmas went as long as we were all able to be together at some point and have a family meal. (One part of the family is in Covid quarantine so this isn’t a normal Christmas!)
Now, to I say I don’t care, I’m not meaning to be unfeeling or cold towards others or circumstances. What I mean is, it’s okay to allow others to take the responsibility if that is what they want to do. We don’t have to be the “captain of the world!” Perhaps a situation is out of our control and we have no influence whatsoever over the outcome. Why care?
Another example might be television.
There is some rubbish on the telly, isn’t there? So I’ve decided not to care. I’m not going to scroll endlessly though my subscriptions to Netflix, Prime and YouTube to see if there is something on. I don’t care.
Back to the Do Not Care list.
***This is not intended to be cold and callous***
It is about choosing where I put my emotional, mental and physical energy. It is a form of self care. Why get anxious about things I have no influence over?
A suggestion …
- Open up a page in a notebook and think about areas we might normally allow to affect us.
- Write down as many items as you can think of in 2 – 3 minutes. (you can add more later)
- Now review the list
- Put a ‘+’ or a ‘-‘ next to each item.
- A ‘+’ means you want to continue paying attention to the topic.
- A ‘-‘ signifies a conscious decision not to pay attention to the topic.
- The list with ‘-‘ next to them become the DNC list. Each time this come up develop a plan to drop the topic as quick as you can. And move to something you want to focus on.
I’ve started developing an internal statement like this:
“I do not to think about or discuss ‘topic’.”
The Benefits of a DNC List
I remember my Mother-in-Law speaking about someone who had just died. She seemed really upset and I wondered who had passed away. My wife was consoling her but something seemed bit weird about the conversation. My wife quickly let me know: “It’s okay, we’re talking about Days of Our Lives!“
I see and work with many people who get distressed about factors and events which they have little to no control over. By deciding what to care about and what not to care about can save a lot of stress anxiety. It then allows room for more joy and happiness to we focus on the things we want to. It also means there is more energy for the things we choose to focus on.
I think it’s time to create a Do Not Care list and be very conscious of where and how use our time.
Over to you …
Do you have a Do Not Care list? Have you had it for a while? Do you think it might benefit you? Maybe you have something like it but refer to it as something else.
Let me know in the comments!
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