Tag Archives: happiness

Why I’m NOT Reading 52 Books this Year!

Posted on by
Reply

Or 100 for that matter!

I have no issue with people reading eleventy hundred books in a year. I’ve tried that in the past (and failed if you need to know). I think anyone who takes up the reading habit is on to something.

I remember when my kids were young, if they did one thing in life, they would be readers and learners. They both are. Job done! 

This year I’m reading  … just seven books … over and over!

I’ve read so many books in the past and have learned a lot from most of them. I know the learnings are there, in my mind … somewhere … but they are not benefiting me.

In life, we don’t forget anything, we simply fail to remember.

– Me!

This year I’m going to slow down a bit, reflect, take notes and learn to my benefit. I want the information from these books to be ingrained. (Links below are affiliate links but if you are keen to read them I don’t care how you access them.)

Atomic Habits (James Clear) – I’ve read this book a couple of times and the process is worth keeping top of mind. I want to quickly flick into good habits when things get out of sorts, as they inevitably will in life. We have one life, building constructive habits is essential.

Smart Talk (Lou Tice) – before neuroscience became popular, there was Lou and The Pacific Institute (there were others, of course). Lou talks through how our self talk can improve with timeless truths and tactics. We are so ingrained with the thoughts and beliefs of others we took on as we grew up that do not serve our well. There are ways to take control and enjoy time in our minds. Lou gives us step by step guidance.

The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) – took me years to buy this after knowing about it. I had no idea what it was really. Finally bit the bullet and got it after a manager recommended it to me. Read it once, then again and then again. Took notes, looking forward to a couple more reads this year.

The Art of Possibility (Rosamund and Ben Zander) – the best personal development book I have ever read (and I have read many). This was my give away book a few years ago. Bought ten copies, gave them away to friends and colleagues. Unfortunately, I lent my original copy full of personal notes and ideas to someone who then lost it.

Guide to the Good Life (William B Irvine) – As this was first published in 2009, it was the OG Stoic book to Ryan Holiday’s series. Have read it once and taken notes and highlights. Will read again and do the same. One thing I noticed in the first read was that even though we choose whatever lifestyle we want, others won’t comply and we need to work through that.

The Coaching Habit (Michael Bungay Stanier) – I think it was Seth Giodin who called this the best coaching book ever written. Whoever it was, it was high praise. Eminently practical where coaching or influencing others at work and in relationship (helpfully, not manipulatively) this will be a great “workbook” for me this year.

On the Shortness of Life (Seneca) – this is my “bathroom book”. Shorts reads on a daily basis but there is a passage starting on page 74 that had quite the impact. Will take it out of the bathroom this year and make it a deeper study.

Let me know what books you are reading this year … and for what purpose if you like.

I’d be keen to know!

We are what we eat!

Posted on by
Reply
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

There are a number of ways to be happy. But all the ways I can think of have one thing in common: the present.

You can’t be happy in the past: it’s over. (Yes, you can be happy with the past!)

You can’t be happy in the future: it’s not here yet! (Yes, you can look forward to your future!)

But you can only be happy … now! Even when the future finally arrives, it transmogrifies into … now!

And, with that massive scientifically proven statement, let’s look at a facet that can affect our happiness.

What we consume.

I’m not talking about food but information.

A topic like this can go off on all sorts of tangents and we are all individuals so not every tangent will apply to everyone.

Let’s bring it back to ourselves. The rest of this article is for you to think about you! It has really made me think about the information I consume.

Is what we are consuming adding to our happiness, our contentment, our goals? Or is it debilitating?

I have a really good Twitter feed. The people I follow are inspirational and positive for the most part, many are quite witty and I enjoy their content. Some go off on rants then apologise then rant again. (I mute them for a while. Like sending them to the naughty corner! 😉)

But I’ve begun to notice my mood as I scroll through the feed, the same on Instagram. Am I being fed? Am I leaving the feed better than when I started? That is what I’d like to happen. Selfish? Possibly! But it’s my life and I want to be happy, content and satisfied for as much time as I can. Don’t you?

As Marcus Aurelius is often quoted, which also applies to our media based interactions:

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

So the tough times, awkward situations and difficult people are going to occur. Why would I not seek to control what I consume if I can?

(To be fair, the people I work with are some of the best people I have ever worked with, so, there is that! 😀)

Even reading inspirational posts can leave you dissatisfied (I could never do that! It must be wonderful for them. If only I had the willpower!) We start off full of enthusiasm and then realise maybe we haven’t got what they clearly have!

This is not to say we shouldn’t read great works, and work on improving ourselves. Not at all. But we need to start where we are and not assume or think we get a head start based on someone else’s experience or story. And, sorry to say, are all stories true?

My point about consumption is to be cautious with what we consume. Can we use the information immediately? Can we apply the same rules as the author? I’d dare say, in most cases, no!

What to do

Many people I know, and I have done this, do a regular review of what they are consuming. Turning off the mainstream news is a start. Most of it is negative and many times, sensationalism. (They have their job to do, after all, which is sell information and product.)

And then we can look at our social media feed. Is it feeding you positively? Or is it leaving you a little despondent? Take the time to identify what is causing the downward trend and ask yourself if you need this. Maybe not. Unfollow.

Before I am accused of being a killjoy, I’m not suggesting you cut everything off! Not at all. But I am suggesting we look for those avenues that take us toward what we want a little more carefully.

The TV (or the Demon Box!)

One the areas I have taken to edit is the TV. I don’t think I’m an orphan here. I hear of a lot of shows that dramatise discord and conflict and many enjoy these. My wife included. She loves her crime shows. I admit we did watch Breaking Bad and The Good Wife in their entirety, among others.

Lately, I have decided to not get “caught up” in these types of shows simply because they depict conflict as part of their premise and I don’t need any more of that. I prefer a calming evening. We do watch re-runs of Friends, Big Bang and Brooklyn 99, Spy and I am enjoying the Welcome to Wrexham series.

As I am trying to convey, it’s not about total elimination of TV or other media but the discriminate review of what we consume to improve our mood, outlook and overall well being. As a very specific example, while we enjoy the Friends series, neither my wife and I can watch the episodes with “on again off again Ross and Rachel”. Others love that!

If you are engaged by certain elements of the media and they help you grow and be a better person, go nuts. The opinions above are mine, in an attempt to demonstrate the choices we have to enjoy some peace and solitude when we want it. And to gain control of what we consume to help us access that peace and solitude any time we like.

Just like too much coffee can give you the jitters, perhaps too much consumption of certain media can too. And also like coffee, some can consume coffee late at night and still get a good night’s sleep. Others … can’t! 😵‍💫

As always, you be you!

Not everyone is triggered by the same inputs. And, as I said in my opening, this can go off on many tangents that affect everyone differently. I’ve used examples to help you review your situation to help bring a little more joy and happiness to your “now”.

I hope, in some way, I’ve triggered some positive action for you.

We become what we consume.

As a man (person) thinketh, so is he!

James Allen
The Test

Now you’ve read the paper, it’s time for the test, if you wish to play! 😉

For the next three days, check what you consume and mentally give it a tick or a cross. If you’re really keen, write them down in columns of “good vs evil” – just for fun. After three days, decide what you want to do with your lists!

[convertkit]

Being Happier?

Posted on by
Reply
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Have you noticed your self talk? Is it predominantly positive or negative? For most people it’s negative. Over 80% of our thoughts are negative, according to one study.

We beat ourselves up constantly over little things that don’t matter. What’s more, we do it over and over. So one possibly bad event, turns into multiple bad events simply because we repeat it. According to this article, your subconscious can’t tell the difference between a real or imagined event.

So we can literally make shit up and the mind and body will react as if it is real. Seriously, the truth is, you can make this shit up!

I often have conversations in my head about real and imagined scenarios. We all do this, don’t blink at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Off we go on our little, pointless tangents, often over inflating the situation and you can feel your heart rate increase.

We feel ourselves getting angry, anxious or even depressed. It’s like we are in a hole and the world is closing in on us. Hope is futile and we look for a doughnut shop, a couch and a soppy movie! Or a beer!

It doesn’t have to be this way.

What to do

When I was listening to Sam Harris’s meditation app Waking Up, Sam would lead me through a meditation and the challenge, or suggestion at the end, was to notice the “moments” between commitments. Say between meetings, or conversations, or when moving from one room to another, or heading out to lunch or coming back from lunch. Simple, everyday moments we all have.

Sam would instruct me to take a moment and determine to respond, rather than react. To take a breath and notice the breath. To be mindful rather than be on autopilot and rush to the next thing!

To be honest, it took me a while. I’d get through my day and and realise I had missed all the opportunities to “notice the moment”. You can imagine what that self talk was like!

But then, one day, I did notice. I literally caught myself saying, “I am leaving this meeting and I’m heading out to get something to eat.” Bingo! I had slowed down enough, or become aware enough, to notice a moment.

Noticing moments allows you space to take conscious action.

In terms of working on your self talk, take notice of your internal conversations. Determine the difference between a real conversation you are working through versus a rant that will never see the light of day.

When the rant is in full swing, notice it, and shut it down.

I do this all the time now and it really helps my mood and reduces my stress or anxiety.

I will literally notice the conversation in my head and call out the exaggerations. I’ll say to myself, “That didn’t happen, drop it!” and I stop the conversation in my head. I then put on the “half smile” I talked about here to move away from the dark clouds in my head to the sunshine.

We can’t always control what happens to us and we can all get caught out by impulsive self talk. But if we start to notice these moments, we can begin to respond and not react.

Sometimes just reading something like this is enough to trigger the ability to stop and notice.

Other times we need to be more conscious about this.

I suggest writing something down to read each morning. Or, as I have also done, I write what I want to be conscious of at the top of the page in my notebooks where I write my notes of meetings during the day. This way it’s always in front of me.

On days I forget, I simply remind myself I get another chance tomorrow!

Start Happy!

Posted on by
1
We can choose to do a reset … any time we like!
Photo by Eilis Garvey on Unsplash

“Start Happy” is a way to take stock every day, every moment and turn our attention to the positive things that are happening, if we are prepared to notice them. 

This doesn’t mean everything will be perky 100% of the time but the good thing is we can reflect on challenges and difficult times and learn from them, even if that learning is simply: I survived.

When I first wake up, I decide to be happy. Just decide. Nothing more. No writing out a mantra or reading a passage of an inspirational book. I can do those things of course, and often do but, even after doing those activities, I still need to decide. 

Being happy is a decision I make. And I can make that decision multiple times a day. Even in the midst of a storm. In fact, even better in the midst of a storm.

As I go through my day today, I’m conscious of my mood and feelings. Then, at those times when I feel myself getting frustrated, angry, tired, worn out, flat, I …smile. 

Just a small one so people don’t think I’ve checked out.

There is a practice which the Vietnamese Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh calls a gentle half smile, which can indeed brighten our day, without needing to pretend that life is all wonderful.

MIYANDA THERAPY AND TRAINING

Try this. I’ve been doing it for months now and, each time I think to do it and wonder if the “magic” of the half smile will wear off – it doesn’t. 

Start each day with a decision to be happy.

Where’s Your Focus?

Posted on by
Reply
Photo by Jenna Hamra on Pexels.com

“It’s a well-known fact that what we give our attention to grows and what we don’t give our attention to tends to fade away.”

How to Make Your Dreams Come True – Mark Forster

What are your thoughts on this?

My dad used to say what what you think about will likely happen.
We tend to focus on the negative aspects of life. We do this for our protection. Negative things can harm us. So we’re constantly on the lookout. And we do need to protect ourselves from being harmed. But if we only focus on prevention from harm, we may miss the opportunities for growth, development and happiness.

Some examples I thought of:

  • we talk in detail about a bad day at work but summarise a good day
    • them: “How was your day?”
    • me: “Yeah, good!”
  • we look for what is wrong with a situation rather than looking for what is right
  • our organisational reports generally identify error rates, not success rates
  • we tend to coach faults/gaps in performance rather than build on strengths/achievements
  • we complain about our lot in life rather than the benefits
  • we never have enough money so we focus on our lack, not what we have
  • we look how far we have to go rather than look at how far we’ve come
  • we listen to the news which is commonly negative and depressing

If this is the case, we are missing an opportunity to focus on the positive. And if the initial quote is true, or at least beneficial, how might this play out in living the life we want?

This isn’t being Pollyanna – all butterflies and rainbows. It is, in fact, looking for information and examples in situation that are good and generally in any situation.

So, how would you like to think? By focussing on the lack, the gap, what you don’t have? How will that make you feel? How will your energy be?

Don’t try this at home: Spend the next 7 days highlighting all the gaps, problems and issues that you see … in detail!

Try this instead! I actually suggest you do the opposite. Spend the next 7 days looking at all the things you do have.

To do this I suggest the following:

  • grab a notebook
  • go in to each room of your house and where you work (might be the same place)
  • write down all the things you have
  • this isn’t Marie Kondo, they don’t have to bring you joy, just list them
  • you may be amazed at what you have
  • (you may also realise you have a bunch of stuff you no longer need!)
  • do the same with relationships – this could be tricky if you’re in a tough situation
  • same with finances – if you’re in debt, like we used to be, start making a plan to rectify that by focusing on what you want

Doing this exercise does not automatically resolve all our issues into a perfect life. It’s not magical. But it may help you realise how much you can be grateful for and what you can focus on.

As the quote says: “what we give our attention to grows”.

And may also help on taking some initial steps on improving some things.

I’m writing this on a perfect day in Perth, Western Australia. I’m outside on the patio. A galah is feeding from the bird feeder. The wife has just pruned the bushes this morning. There are kids a few houses over having a great time!

While I sit here, I am in to Day 6 of a 14 day quarantine. I have to stay home while the rest of the city is free as can be. I don’t like it and I don’t agree with the strategy. But, the peace and quiet, the ability to read and write is priceless. I’ll focus on that for a while!