I have no issue with people reading eleventy hundred books in a year. I’ve tried that in the past (and failed if you need to know). I think anyone who takes up the reading habit is on to something.
I remember when my kids were young, if they did one thing in life, they would be readers and learners. They both are. Job done!
This year I’m reading … just seven books … over and over!
I’ve read so many books in the past and have learned a lot from most of them. I know the learnings are there, in my mind … somewhere … but they are not benefiting me.
In life, we don’t forget anything, we simply fail to remember.
This year I’m going to slow down a bit, reflect, take notes and learn to my benefit. I want the information from these books to be ingrained. (Links below are affiliate links but if you are keen to read them I don’t care how you access them.)
Atomic Habits (James Clear) – I’ve read this book a couple of times and the process is worth keeping top of mind. I want to quickly flick into good habits when things get out of sorts, as they inevitably will in life. We have one life, building constructive habits is essential.
Smart Talk (Lou Tice) – before neuroscience became popular, there was Lou and The Pacific Institute (there were others, of course). Lou talks through how our self talk can improve with timeless truths and tactics. We are so ingrained with the thoughts and beliefs of others we took on as we grew up that do not serve our well. There are ways to take control and enjoy time in our minds. Lou gives us step by step guidance.
The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) – took me years to buy this after knowing about it. I had no idea what it was really. Finally bit the bullet and got it after a manager recommended it to me. Read it once, then again and then again. Took notes, looking forward to a couple more reads this year.
The Art of Possibility (Rosamund and Ben Zander) – the best personal development book I have ever read (and I have read many). This was my give away book a few years ago. Bought ten copies, gave them away to friends and colleagues. Unfortunately, I lent my original copy full of personal notes and ideas to someone who then lost it.
Guide to the Good Life (William B Irvine) – As this was first published in 2009, it was the OG Stoic book to Ryan Holiday’s series. Have read it once and taken notes and highlights. Will read again and do the same. One thing I noticed in the first read was that even though we choose whatever lifestyle we want, others won’t comply and we need to work through that.
The Coaching Habit (Michael Bungay Stanier) – I think it was Seth Giodin who called this the best coaching book ever written. Whoever it was, it was high praise. Eminently practical where coaching or influencing others at work and in relationship (helpfully, not manipulatively) this will be a great “workbook” for me this year.
On the Shortness of Life (Seneca) – this is my “bathroom book”. Shorts reads on a daily basis but there is a passage starting on page 74 that had quite the impact. Will take it out of the bathroom this year and make it a deeper study.
Let me know what books you are reading this year … and for what purpose if you like.
This is a real rule breaker for some. You can’t just give yourself an A. You have earn your ‘A’. But bear with me as I walk you through quite a powerful formula for achieving a goal or a series of achievements.
How Does This Work?
We’ve all heard of goal setting. This is goal setting in reverse.
‘Giving an A’ is projecting into the future about a significant goal or achievement that is important to you as though you have already achieved it.
It could be any number of things. You then work backwards to determine all the things you ‘did’ to ensure you achieved the goal.
Once you’ve done that, take one step at a time, on those things that you expect to help you achieve your goal.
As you progress, things may change but if the goal is significant enough, you’ll take the time to adjust your direction, activities and attitudes to keep you heading towards your goal.
Here’s the kicker: The time frame you have set for achieving your goal will pass. The date will arrive. Nothing surer! Will you be tracking along with that timeline?
What’s your goal?
Let’s assume it is six months in the future and you have, indeed, received your “A”.
Imagine for a moment how that feels.
You’ve got your driver’s licence for the first time
You’ve lost that nagging couple of kilos
You’ve presented the pitch and won
Don’t skip this part. Imagine, in the future, receiving your reward: physical, mental and/or emotional.
(By the way, it’s good to define the reward too. It may be the thing itself (losing weight, getting the license) or it may be something you reward yourself with for achieving the goal (a holiday, a new thing you’ve always wanted).
Now start writing down all the things you ‘did’ to increase the chances of the ‘A’ being achieved. This can range from simple tasks (losing weight = walk/run 4km per day for 30 days (my current goal)) to taking a course and applying the key methods learnt in the course and getting feedback from a respected peer, manager, significant other.
You can do this in one of two way (maybe there’s more, let me know in the comments). You start at the end, just before the goal is achieved and work backwards.
Or, you can work forwards, taking small steps at the start to help build momentum. As James Clear said in his post today, “plan what you can do on your worst day, make it that simple!”
Take the time to plan it out. It doesn’t have to be hundreds of steps.
Another goal of mine is to learn to touch type. My goal each day is to type for “15+1”. That is, on day one I touch typed for 15 minutes. On day two it was 16 minutes (15+1) and so on. By the time 30 days is up, I am typing 45 mins per day which, I hope, will actually see me touch type more than “hunt and peck!” I am so looking forward to that level of productivity.
A note on planning: While above I have said to plan it out and I believe that is important, you may not know all the steps at first. That is okay. Lou Tice (and many others), founder of The Pacific Institute used a phrase: “Set the goal, invent the “how””. You may not know all the steps at the start. Start with a clear goal and figure to the “first of first” steps.
I work within a project framework at work and while we plan out the project step by step as much as we can, the number of changes made along the way are innumerable. No-one is upset by that, we all expect it to be the case.
If your goal is to begin a meditation practice, it might start with getting up at 5am every day (pick a time best for you) and meditate for one minute, then two, then three.
Think of your goal and work backwards, Remember you are going to be an ‘A’ student at the end of this.
The Added Benefit
The added benefit of working in this manner is we begin to act and think like ‘A’ students. Even if we have never been one.
It is quite amazing the things you will allow and not allow once you fix your mind on the goal.
I recently decided to not buy coffee at work. I was spending something like $200 per month on purchased coffees. Many for me, and many I bought for others, so may it was about $300 per month. Add that up and you’re looking around $4,000 per year on coffee!
So, in acting like an ‘A’ student in this area, I had to change my thoughts, language and behaviour. From being known at work as someone who will regularly buy coffee, I had to lower that profile. I also had to find ways of not buying the others were. I could head out with them for the social aspect but not buy a coffee and not allow them to buy me one either – as that set the expectation I would reciprocate. Which I would because it would be awkward not to.
The benefit isn’t in becoming a cheapskate who never buys coffee, it’s more than that. It’s learning how I want to behave, how I turn up at work and manage my relationships with great colleagues through a period of transition.
How do I feel each time I’m asked if I want a coffee? What will I say? Will I offend some? Do I just tell them straight out, “I’m not buying coffee for a month”?
What if I screw up?
A goal isn’t lost completely based on a couple of backwards steps. In his book Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz said a habit begins to form around the 21 day mark. That is beginning to form as in, not set in stone. This takes time. It’s like year 12 students being told their final exam is the most important thing they’ll do in their lives. (at least here in Australia)
And so… Giving yourself an A is a liberating exercise. Because you get to choose what you want the A to be about. You have total control over that.
Set the goal and invent the “How”!
Write down the goal, read about it every day. I find when I do that it is easier to maintain the momentum towards the goal. When I don’t do that, I lose momentum and, if I miss long enough, I forget about the goal itself.
Here’s a tool I use when I interview candidates for a role (or am interviewed for a role):
STAR: Situation, Task, Actions, Result or, if you’re working backwards from the goal: RATS!
Situation – where you find yourself and not having the “Thing” – the goal.
Task – the overall activities you need to do to achieve the Thing!
Actions – mini tasks. What do you need to do to complete each Task, if there are multiple.
Result– the Goal or the Thing.
Lastly … If I was figuring out the goal prior to starting the STAR approach, I’d describe the goal in as much detail as I could.
For example: GOAL: I want to lose weight (actually x kg, be specific). I want to lose weight because … and away you go describing in as much detail for you how good this is going to be, why you want to do it and the benefits you’re going to enjoy. And then…
It’s a cynical view of consultants that they’ll tell you what you want to hear! Not necessarily, what you need to hear.
But what if they are right? What time do you want it to be?
Consider this: the future is literally made up!
Every invention we have today started as a thought, a concept, an idea. Nothing more.
Edison may have been credited with inventing the light bulb but today, the question isn’t, “What light bulbs do you have?” It’s, “What light bulb do you want?”
When I offer to buy someone a coffee, the second question is: “What coffee do you want?” Not everyone wants a long back with cream! 🤷♂️
So, what kind of day do you want? If that’s too long term, what would a good hour look like? (Half hour? Moment?)
The point is, going back to the consultant question …
What do you want?
The real challenge for the consultant, and for us, is whether we have the efficacy to bring the goal to pass?
Efficacy: the ability to produce a desired or intended result.
It’s one thing to want a thing. It’s another thing to bring it about.
I would suggest though, that most of us, have that ability.
Want a new car? Do you have the ability to save?
Want to have a good day? Do you have the ability to plan and stick to a schedule you plan?
Want a peaceful demeanour? Do you have the ability to block out calamity?
I’d suggest we all have the abilities. Most of it comes to a choice. To do or not to do. (I seriously didn’t mean to channel Yoda! 🙄)
A lot of this comes down to moments. What will we do in the moment? What is our choice?
My current moment
I’m sitting here having a coffee (long black with cream, if you’re following along) and sourdough! I shouldn’t be having the sourdough for health reasons. Some can, I can’t! But it is so delicious. But there was a moment where I could have decided not to indulge. I chose to do so.
I’ll have the opportunity to choose again tomorrow. One moment at a time.
Back to the beginning Imagine I am your consultant. You’ve come to me looking for some clarity, some guidance on where t from here.
You ask: “Who and what am I?” My response: “Who and what do you want to be?”
My “who and what”
I have a list of items I read every day. These are my affirmations. They cover who and what I want to be. They are not true at the moment. They are my goals.
Reading them every day imprints them in my mind. It’s a subtle mechanism to re-orient how I see myself. Maybe that sounds woo-woo. Except it’s based on how the mind works.
Everything we believe about ourselves to be currently true has occurred the same way, either consciously, or subconsciously. The constant imprinting of a belief that becomes true!
James Clear writes about it this way (if you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll believe James! 😉)
In Atomic Habits, he mentions a situation with two smokers (note they are both currently smoking).
They are each offered a cigarette.
One responds with, “No thank you, I’m trying to quit.”
The other? “No thanks, I don’t smoke!”
And so …
The question isn’t, “Who are you?” The question is, “Who do you want to be?”
And then, like every human invention in history: you make it up!
Have you noticed your self talk? Is it predominantly positive or negative? For most people it’s negative. Over 80% of our thoughts are negative, according to one study.
We beat ourselves up constantly over little things that don’t matter. What’s more, we do it over and over. So one possibly bad event, turns into multiple bad events simply because we repeat it. According to this article, your subconscious can’t tell the difference between a real or imagined event.
So we can literally make shit up and the mind and body will react as if it is real. Seriously, the truth is, you can make this shit up!
I often have conversations in my head about real and imagined scenarios. We all do this, don’t blink at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Off we go on our little, pointless tangents, often over inflating the situation and you can feel your heart rate increase.
We feel ourselves getting angry, anxious or even depressed. It’s like we are in a hole and the world is closing in on us. Hope is futile and we look for a doughnut shop, a couch and a soppy movie! Or a beer!
It doesn’t have to be this way.
What to do
When I was listening to Sam Harris’s meditation app Waking Up, Sam would lead me through a meditation and the challenge, or suggestion at the end, was to notice the “moments” between commitments. Say between meetings, or conversations, or when moving from one room to another, or heading out to lunch or coming back from lunch. Simple, everyday moments we all have.
Sam would instruct me to take a moment and determine to respond, rather than react. To take a breath and notice the breath. To be mindful rather than be on autopilot and rush to the next thing!
To be honest, it took me a while. I’d get through my day and and realise I had missed all the opportunities to “notice the moment”. You can imagine what that self talk was like!
But then, one day, I did notice. I literally caught myself saying, “I am leaving this meeting and I’m heading out to get something to eat.” Bingo! I had slowed down enough, or become aware enough, to notice a moment.
Noticing moments allows you space to take conscious action.
In terms of working on your self talk, take notice of your internal conversations. Determine the difference between a real conversation you are working through versus a rant that will never see the light of day.
When the rant is in full swing, notice it, and shut it down.
I do this all the time now and it really helps my mood and reduces my stress or anxiety.
I will literally notice the conversation in my head and call out the exaggerations. I’ll say to myself, “That didn’t happen, drop it!” and I stop the conversation in my head. I then put on the “half smile” I talked about here to move away from the dark clouds in my head to the sunshine.
We can’t always control what happens to us and we can all get caught out by impulsive self talk. But if we start to notice these moments, we can begin to respond and not react.
Sometimes just reading something like this is enough to trigger the ability to stop and notice.
Other times we need to be more conscious about this.
I suggest writing something down to read each morning. Or, as I have also done, I write what I want to be conscious of at the top of the page in my notebooks where I write my notes of meetings during the day. This way it’s always in front of me.
On days I forget, I simply remind myself I get another chance tomorrow!
This was going to be a short one but it got away from me. I hope you find it useful. Feedback is such a powerful tool … when used for good and not for evil!
Join the conversation in the comments and pass on to someone you feel may get some benefit from it. The more the merrier! 🥳
The Steel Shavings Incident!
Growing up in Albany, Western Australia, we often existed shoeless. In the house, backyard, beach. Shoes were not the norm. Church? Yes, we wore shoes in church! And we’d visit my dad at the engineering business he owned for over 40 years. I would have been 6 or 7 at the time of the “incident”. I’d be so keen to see all the big machines (lathes, drill presses, metal saws and other stuff). I didn’t see the steel shavings on the floor around the lathes. These were curled up pieces of metal that flew off the lathes. Sharp as razor wire to the bare foot of a 6 year old, or any-year-old for that matter.
Imagine stepping on something that cuts into you and you jump from the pain of the cut and then have to land, and, in that instant (less than a second), have to decide where to land so you don’t get cut again!
I can remember still, the cotton wool … and the blood! So. Much. Blood. 🩸
So, without any fear or favour, my dad would yell, “Next time put some bloody shoes on!” Not one for showing sympathy, the old man! Feedback was great though! 👍
Feedback is one of those topics that gets a bad rap! Mainly because when we think of feedback, we think “negative”, or the more politically correct “constructive” feedback.
Perhaps it’s also because it is uncomfortable to give negative feedback. What if they disagree? What if they don’t accept it? What if they challenge me? All awkward situations for sure.
But, like a good joke, it’s all in the delivery!
Little and Often
The key to giving better feedback is to make it like it’s almost nothing. (Almost!)
If you leave feedback for a “later time”, it loses all effect. If we delay feedback, it’s certainly easier to be challenged with “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” For which we need to have a really good answer! Which we won’t, but we’ll try. At this point I’d suggest putting the shovel down and stop digging the hole you’re in!
But if it’s little (meaning small) and often, this doesn’t happen.
Think of a situation where you need to give feedback, think of something small and not inflammatory for now. Maybe late to a meeting, late to work, forgot something.
Keep it small and follow these guidelines*:
Ask permission: hey can I give you some feedback? [Sure]
Describe the facts: when you’re late to the meeting
Describe a consequence: we need to stop and catch you up. That’s not great!
Ask for a change: can you fix that next time? [Okay]
Say thanks: Thanks! 😉
That’s it! Takes less than 10 seconds and, because it’s factual, it’s hard to challenge. It also leaves the person with the autonomy of how they’re going to fix it. Have you noticed adults don’t like being told what to do? Who knew?
Why so negative?
Some of you reading this will think, people do good things too. Do we not give them feedback?
Absolutely! (See the “Homework” below.)
The same steps apply.
Ask permission: hey can I give you some feedback? [Sure]
Describe the facts: when you’re prepared for the meeting like you were
Describe a consequence: it makes the process so much better and we achieve a lot more in the meeting! That’s awesome!
Ask for a continuance: You’re leading by example. Keep it up! [Okay]
Say thanks: Thanks! 🙌
Note: be specific with positive feedback as well. “Good job!” doesn’t cut it! Be observant, what did they do that was good? ← That’s what you tell them!
Here’s the problem
When we don’t provide feedback, we let it fester. Time goes by and after a time, it’s too late to give the feedback about the thing. Even if it’s good feedback.
When that happens, as a leader or manager, I make the decision that the problem is now me, not them! I need to be better! (You may decide differently.)
We need to acknowledge that people tend to doubt themselves. Without feedback, they may decide what they did was not good enough or incorrect and change their behaviour … because you didn’t give them the feedback! 🤯
The … “Homework”
Even with such a simple process, giving feedback can be difficult.
Start off by looking for what people do right and provide that feedback. No negative/constructive feedback, unless of course it’s mission critical. That’s your call.
Look for something good each day. Because it’s positive you can leave out the “ask permission” step but I’d advise you to use it. When you get to providing negative/constructive feedback, it’ll roll off the tongue.
Being positive consistently generates better behaviour in other areas. People like being liked and accepted. When positive feedback comes, it generates a perspective of acceptance, so other behaviours adjust to this. It’s like someone not wanting to let their boss down. It’s not 100% failsafe, people still screw up, but you may be surprised how well this works.
In the Human Synergistics Circumplex** tool, research suggests that by building one component, say Humanistic-Encouraging (1 on the circumplex), the opposite behaviour, Oppositional (7), a negative behaviour, will lessen. The opposite is also true! 😬
Determine to give feedback little and often. Look for ways to provide positive feedback. Be specific. What is it you liked? Become comfortable with giving feedback. So many times I heard people say, “The only time I get feedback is when I’ve done something wrong!” We can change that! Today!
And hey, if you do mess it up occasionally, remember … #dontstress! Go again!
*The team I sourced this from are Mark Horstman and Michael Auzenne from Manager Tools. Easily the best business podcast and website. Simple but effective, and great value for money if you’re wanting to dig into all the tools they offer, which are many.
**I am not a qualified consultant of Human Synergistics. I was involved with their work in a company that engaged them for their expertise. Hence my knowledge of the tool.
If you’ve read this far, you’re in for a treat! Personal feedback!
Yes, you can apply this to yourself! How good is that? 🙌
Rather than beat yourself up when you make a mistake, and we all know we are our own worst critic, here’s a practice you can use to break that habit.
“Next time …“
Using the feedback steps above, add these steps to your self talk.
Hey, I was late to a meeting.
When I’m late to meetings, it puts the team off, slows us all down and I am playing catch up! And stressed!
Next time … I’ll [and now add what you’ll do next time to prevent being late to meetings!]
Take notice of areas you want to improve. Use this method to bring your automatic behaviours to your conscious attention and make changes to readjust your automatic behaviours.
Personal example: I’m working on my health and part of that is getting a better night’s sleep. Sometimes a glass of wine can disrupt that. So, when I’m thinking of having a wine, here’s my “Next time …”:
Fact (for me, you do you): Hey, when I drink wine at night …
Consequence … It disrupts my sleep …
Next time … I think of having a wine at night, I’ll grab a glass of water instead.
Saturday and Sundays will posts are hereby now known as S&S.
Though short (and sweet), hopefully insightful to give you a shot of energy and focus to do “the thing” you may have been putting off, or re-starting that “thing” you know has value but you’re stuck somehow.
Today is about the growth mindset! Simply put, the growth mindset is a perspective that you can achieve what you want through learning, failing and trying again.
Whenever you mess up, and say you can’t do something, add the word “Yet” to the end of what you just said:
I can’t run 5km … Yet!
I haven’t achieved my goals … Yet!
White Men Can’t Jump … Yet! 😉
It’s the opposite to the fixed mindset that suggests all your abilities are … fixed … and there’s little point in trying.
As Henry Ford is well known for:
If you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right!
Okay, this is now too long! I give you … Sesame Street!
My dad used to say what what you think about will likely happen. We tend to focus on the negative aspects of life. We do this for our protection. Negative things can harm us. So we’re constantly on the lookout. And we do need to protect ourselves from being harmed. But if we only focus on prevention from harm, we may miss the opportunities for growth, development and happiness.
Some examples I thought of:
we talk in detail about a bad day at work but summarise a good day
them: “How was your day?”
me: “Yeah, good!”
we look for what is wrong with a situation rather than looking for what is right
our organisational reports generally identify error rates, not success rates
we tend to coach faults/gaps in performance rather than build on strengths/achievements
we complain about our lot in life rather than the benefits
we never have enough money so we focus on our lack, not what we have
we look how far we have to go rather than look at how far we’ve come
we listen to the news which is commonly negative and depressing
If this is the case, we are missing an opportunity to focus on the positive. And if the initial quote is true, or at least beneficial, how might this play out in living the life we want?
This isn’t being Pollyanna – all butterflies and rainbows. It is, in fact, looking for information and examples in situation that are good and generally in any situation.
So, how would you like to think? By focussing on the lack, the gap, what you don’t have? How will that make you feel? How will your energy be?
Don’t try this at home: Spend the next 7 days highlighting all the gaps, problems and issues that you see … in detail!
Try this instead! I actually suggest you do the opposite. Spend the next 7 days looking at all the things you do have.
To do this I suggest the following:
grab a notebook
go in to each room of your house and where you work (might be the same place)
write down all the things you have
this isn’t Marie Kondo, they don’t have to bring you joy, just list them
you may be amazed at what you have
(you may also realise you have a bunch of stuff you no longer need!)
do the same with relationships – this could be tricky if you’re in a tough situation
same with finances – if you’re in debt, like we used to be, start making a plan to rectify that by focusing on what you want
Doing this exercise does not automatically resolve all our issues into a perfect life. It’s not magical. But it may help you realise how much you can be grateful for and what you can focus on.
As the quote says: “what we give our attention to grows”.
And may also help on taking some initial steps on improving some things.
I’m writing this on a perfect day in Perth, Western Australia. I’m outside on the patio. A galah is feeding from the bird feeder. The wife has just pruned the bushes this morning. There are kids a few houses over having a great time!
While I sit here, I am in to Day 6 of a 14 day quarantine. I have to stay home while the rest of the city is free as can be. I don’t like it and I don’t agree with the strategy. But, the peace and quiet, the ability to read and write is priceless. I’ll focus on that for a while!
I’ve been working with a business group over the past few months. We start off each session with 3 things we are grateful for. It can be a challenge at times. Some people don’t know what to write. Some think it’s corny. Some draw a blank and feel like they may be failing. Others just don’t care for it. To be honest, I find it hard sometimes.
I’ve been thinking a little deeper into my my model of life: Bamboo SL. One thing that has been missed in the model is the influence of feelings and how they drive us toward or away from things. They are kind of there but need to be brought more to the surface so I’m working on that. Stay tuned.
On the subject of feelings, gratitude is part of that. I thought it would be useful, rather than to try to think of things from the top of my head, I’d start to document what I am grateful for. And to document from both the physical and non physical aspect.
Let me know what you think.
The image above is of one of our spare rooms. It is also the room our granddaughter sleeps in when she sleeps over.
The point is to illustrate how I am learning to have gratitude.
This is the spare room. I’m grateful we have the room because it means Alex can sleep over. Having Alex sleep over means we get to see her develop and have fun with her. She is a super articulate kid. She’s got a bit of cheek and quite often she’ll come out with words and phrases we don’t expect a kid of four to have learnt (Not cuss words, normal words like “Grandad, I am very frustrated at the moment!”) I’m grateful for that too.
The pictures on the wall have been created by my daughter and my sister. I love the paintings and am reminded how talented they are. Each time I see my daughter’s painting (on the left) I get a real sense of warmth and love for her. It’s a relatively simple painting but is also quite expressive and a joyful image.
The picture by my sister is also quite playful and bright. It’s a cheerful image for which I am also grateful. It’s also a but quirky, like my sister! 😉
The bedspread was made by my wife. She has created a few of these and they are projects in themselves. We actually bought a cabinet to store them all! It takes, patience and an eye for colour and coordination. It’s a work of art in itself. I am of no help at all but the kids get involved and it becomes a team effort.
Lastly, on the side table on the right hand side of the bed is a small drawing of boats. It’s by my grandmother, Portia Bennett, who was a well regarded artist in her day. I have a few of her paintings.
And so, from one room, I can highlight quite a few things I am grateful for. The physical items have meaning for me as do the people associated with them. There is a lot of talent in the family and also the fact that people will do things for others to help make life a little nicer. And they bring joy to me and those who receive them – if we’ll slow down and recognise that.
If you are struggling to find things to give gratitude for, can I suggest an exercise?
Go through each room and list the items in the room. Perhaps just list the items at first. Maybe in a notebook down the side a page. And then, over time or when the thought strikes you, write alongside the item what you are grateful for.
What does the item do for you? How does it, or what it does or maybe just infers, make you feel? Could you be grateful for that?
Do you have an inner critic that you’re tired of listening to?
If someone else spoke to you the way you speak to you, would you put up with it?
Here’s “Thing 1” …
While you’re berating yourself …
others have full confidence in you
you provide encouragement, support and confidence to others (who also have an inner critic!)
when others fail or falter, what do you do? You’re quick to pick them up, I bet!
Maybe some self care is in order.
Here’s what you can do:
Pause/breathe – think about what you’re about to say to yourself
Respond – don’t react
Define what you do want – what does ‘good’ look like?
Next time … what could you do next time this happens. Write it down if you can, it helps with imprinting and reinforcement
Affirm what you’re wanting to achieve – write an effective affirmation (more on this coming soon)
Here’s “Thing 2” …
Think about what you were berating yourself about 12 months ago.
Can’t do it, can you? 😉
This too will pass, grab any learning you can, let it go and move to the ‘good’
Want an example?
Meeting 1: “God, that was a train wreck! I am hopeless at running meetings. I can’t control the participants. I can’t stick to the agenda. What an idiot!”
Meeting 2: [Pause/breathe] “Well that wasn’t ideal. Next time … I’ll be clear about the agenda and keep participants on track. I’ll allocate some time to plan better. Will see Jane about how she does it, she runs her meetings well.”
Affirmation: “I plan my meetings well and maintain control to achieve the outcomes we need.”